My first time (with Tatas)

Lot of people have been asking me about the new job, the new place and what i do and yada yada. So i have come up with this ground-breaking idea to write a blog about it after narrating it the 16th time. Lets start from the very beginning. Shall we..

Start. Camera. Action.

*Cue music*

Scene: black and white frame

Date: 16th dec

The Tata Motors Limited PPT just got over.

Friend 1: Seems like a good company to work for. Package is also good.

Me: Did u see the PPT? Bad quality video. A slap on every video director's face.

Friend1: The Package is attractive too.

Me: The HR guy sucked big time. Doesn't even know proper english. Why can't he wear a belt?

Friend1: I should brush up my knowledge asap about their recent ventures.

Me: A person who joins this company should be a idiot.

8 hours later, I became one of the 3 idiots were recruited.

*Scene fades*

On august 2nd, i joined TM at a place named Pimpri. Paid 350 Rs for rickshaw. Over charging Bastards. Now getting back to the name. Pimpri. Yes. Thats the right spelling and it is pronounced Pimp-ri. It's not a red light area and i haven't found a brothel here. But strange guys on the road have offered me free lifts (which i politely declined. Thank you for your concern). The mystery behind the name still remains unsolved. For people who want to know where the brothel is, contact Jai C Shah. He seems to "stumbled" across one. The rumors about Pimpri having liquor shops which sell 3 beers for Rs 100 is yet to be verified. If you thought Pimpri sounds bad, I stay 2kms from "Bhosari".

I got the acco on the first day. A building painted the same shade as the surroundings. Some weird camouflage green. A 2BK apartment. Some basic amenities were provided. A bed which squeaks everytime you sit on it, an almirah so unstable that every time i swing the handle i am more likely to suffer an injury from the strategically placed iron box kept on the top shelf than grabbing my shirt, a matress which floods memories of fresh fungus on bread and a black hot plate(which on a later day i discovered after 30 mins of scrubbing was infact silver in color). We even have our own pet mouse whom we call Piku. He/she is on some healthy weight watching diet wherein he/she eats only quarter of a tomato under the sink.

The induction process was drab. One sleep inducing lecture followed by another. Some observations made during those 9 days..

1. Women should choose their Bras carefully. A bra size too less can give one an impression of a 4 pack hidden underneath.

2. If you believed the person who said writing notes will help you stay awake, you are a dumbass. He just wants you to write notes while he counts sheeps.

3. The biggest corporate distraction is NOT money but a the hot chick in the HR dept. *wipes the drool of his face*

4. Constantly repeating something you believe makes you doubt it. Eg. Tata is the most ethical company.

5. Even the top officials can be plain dumb. Quote: Indica, Vista, V2, Indigo, aria etc looks very different from each other.

6. They never have enough beer in any open bar party.

7. Nobody really cares about Tata's family tree.

8. People who complain about mess food, be wary. It can get much worse. Ever had just mixture(that namkeen thing you munch with brandy) for breakfast?

9. HR guys think just cos they know the phrase "per se", they are free to use it in every other sentence.

Some interesting things about Tata

1. Tatas means breasts. Atleast now do you get the pun in the title dimwit?

2. Tata takes inspiration from PSUs when it comes to work schedule

swipe in at 8 30. 4 hour classes. 2 hour tea breaks. one hour lunch break. one hour for rest. and we are free to go by 4 30.

3. The weekly off is on thursdays. While the rest of the world is under midweek crisis, we would be enjoying the weekend and vice versa.

4. The canteen prepares food only once a month. Same gravy. Different vegetables on different days of the week. The highly anticipated special lunch which is once in 2 months has paneer instead of veggies. Seniors tell me i am blessed to be here at the right time. I even got to have a gujju delicacy. shrikandh *Puke*

5. There are taps which read normal "raw" water and dustin bin which reads "100% Pure virgin. USE ME."

6. The shuttle buses are named Maruti.

7. The canteen workers act as if they are operating NASA single handedly.

8. The age old art of sticking ur tongue in the lower set of cheeks is very popular here.

As for me... I am doing fine. Money and I don't go hand in hand. I have understood that i am awesome spender and a bad investor who wants to do an MBA in finance. I have been romantically linked to 2 girls and 3 guys in the last one month. Have discovered that i do like beer. Got my first stretch mark. Yes loyal reader. I am going to the gym now. Learning to cook, clean and take care of Vinay. Now isn't that very house-husbandry of me? I haven't got the tattoo yet. My entire group is PJ illiterates. So educating them with help from Rahul and GG. As for the new friends i made here, truly one of kind. Will write about em in another entry.

Thats about it for now..