Trekking for dummies - An Episode from Author's life

When one is in a college like mine, there aren’t many things around to keep one busy. That’s the precise thought which was going through my head when I said a solid YES to my seniors who asked me whether I would like to go for a hike. Now for people who don’t know me, let me just paint you a picture. I am just over 5 feet tall, weigh less than 50kilos and possess the stamina of a sexagenarian. Never have I defeated anyone in a running race. I have never even attempted climbing a tree. (there..now you know why I have never jumped over the LH wall). Time for a story from the time capsule. I bought a 5kg dumbbell shelling out 500 bucks last year thinking that I would use it everyday. Not only did I not work out but I carried that piece of metallic trash all the way back to my home which is over 1500kms away. After keeping it under the bed for 3 long months, I was sure it would be futile to carry it all the way back to the college. And guess what…. I didn't . Instead I came back and bought a new one and to date it remains unused.

Coming back to the trek. I was glad someone asked me to tag along for their expedition. For a person who always got picked last in a football game, I was on cloud 9. I had no clue what to expect when I went for the trek or to be more precise for rock climbing. There were two other guys with me. I couldn’t be more different from them. The first guy(Mr.Muscle) has incredible athletic abilities, bench presses 30 kilos everyday and does stunts which I have seen only on circus du soleil while the second(Mr.D) was a jack of all trades and one was yet to see what he couldn’t do.

I was under the impression that it was a standard rock climbing exercise like the ones we see in the movies where one is strapped to all the harnesses and there is no risk to life. The first bubble bursts. It was a rocky and seemingly unconquerable mountain against a non equipped and maladroit me. To make the best of it we bought eatables from a shop nearby. After circling the mammoth creation we found an opening to climb. As I was the noob, I went last on the trail. I held the water and food as I tip toed over the small blocks kept to cross a small pool. As I grabbed the back of a rock for support, I felt something against my palm. It all happened in a flash. Buzz buzz buzz. Bees stung me left and right while I ran in the other direction screaming, trying my best to not drop anything.

Lesson 1: Watch what you grab.

When I reached the other side, I thought to myself that it wasn’t that bad. I only got stung 5 times and I didnt lose balance and fall into the pool. As I circled the pool this time, I was sure no bees would sting me now. Running on the rocks wearing a pair of dance shoes was not one of my finest decisions. I skid and my leg slipped into the pool. “Shit”. That’s not an expression. I literally fell into a pool of shit.

Lesson 2: Dance shoes aren’t substitutes for trekking shoes.

With whatever little dignity left in me, I got up , took of my shoes, strung them together, tied it to my belt and started to climb. D and M sprinted up the hill while I clambered. It took me a good amount of time to make it to the top of the hill. I had reached the height of my fear of heights. Every look to the bottom gave me a stroke. Thoughts ran wild. I started imagining myself stuck in one of the pits and then the fireforce , army and police will come to rescue me. Then again I realized its Warangal. There is absolutely no way I would get out alive.

Lesson3: Rock climbing is not an acrophobe’s cup of tea.

Reaching the top of the rocks called for celebration. Like a mountaineer who conquered the Mt Everest, I broke the seal of the bottle as if it was champagne and drank. And had the food. Mr.D who told us that he had climbed this hill earlier, assured that there is a temple on the other side of the rocks and journey downwards would be simple. So we started moving to the back of the hill along the sides. All he had to do was identify a big rock being balanced by a small one and the route would jolt back to his memory. Lucky for us, we found it in a few minutes. Unlucky for us, we found another moments later. And then another. Anyhow we made to the back of the hill and found the temple. Mr.D was right. He seemed to forget the minute detail that temple was 40 feet down a vertical rock.

Lesson4: One rock among a million similar ones is not a landmark. Get a guide.

It was time for us to make backup plans. Suggestions came flying. Follow the powerline.(If we were spidermen that would have worked). Calling up our friends.(again we had no clue where we were). Voila! I got a plan. I saw goat crap on the top. Lets follow that. And Mr.D(a 9-pointer) and Mr.M(got one of the highest paying jobs from his branch) followed my brilliant plan. Five minutes later, I find myself looking at an ocean of goat crap. It would have been easier to find a needle in a hay stack.

Lesson5: Shit doesn’t help in any way.

We gained pace and reached close to the where we began . We could barely see anything at this point. Mr. I-know-the-place-inside-out screamed for help. A man responded downhill. And within moments he climbed up and brought us on to safe grounds. We thanked him and left. I got into the auto and sat on the usual seat- the one to the right of the driver. I thought about what happened in the last few hours. I promised myself not to go for another trek. A cold feeling swept me. It was particularly cold in the crotch region. It took me a few minutes to realize that my jeans were torn. Not like one of those small finger size holes. But an entire split down the pants. If I wasn’t embarrassed or humiliated enough, this just did it. I just did a free show for the crowd.

Lesson6: Tight is not right.

So for all the people who are yet to go for a trek, you know now what not to do.